I had big plans to blog away while I was on maternity leave... unfortunately I realized I had a very needy newborn to take care of instead! Of course I spent way too much time snuggling that sweet boy, but I will never get those days back! I have no regrets whatsoever :)
Any-who...I better write this post before I forget everything. I have already forgotten so much (the human body is AMAZING that way!). For those of you reading..I apologize if this is TMI..after all this is my personal journal that I just happen to let you read ;)
I had a very tough pregnancy :( I really really wanted to LOVE being pregnant, but I honestly didn't. I was very sick in the beginning from about 5 weeks-22 weeks I couldn't hardly eat anything at all. I wasn't necessarily "getting sick" all of the time, but I was SOOOOO nauseous!! It was so bad I lost 5 pounds in that first trimester. Also, I was soo tired! I had no idea a person could be so tired from doing absolutely nothing..you know, except growing a tiny human! My poor husband did the dishes, the laundry, cooked the meals, and listened to his wife complain far too much for those first weeks! Unfortunately the nausea never completely went away, but I could at least eat food again after the first bit. In fact I was so happy to be able to eat again that I managed to gain 50 pounds by the end :( I regret that now, but once again, I was growing a tiny human! I never really had true cravings, but everything anybody suggested sounded good! I ate more than my fair share of biscuits and gravy and cinnamon rolls (oops!). If Ryker doesn't have a natural sweet tooth it will be a miracle.
I did get a teensy tiny bit of an energy boost during the second trimester, but it certainly wasn't anything to speak of. Fast forward to the third trimester and I was, yet again, so so miserable! As my mom likes to say - I "got pregnant" super fast. If you don't believe me... I started wearing maternity pants at 5 weeks pregnant! It's true I promise!! I honestly looked like I was 9 months pregnant for the last three months. I measured 2-5 weeks ahead at every appointment during the second trimester and the first half of the third trimester. Therefore, I had the last 2 week "I can't do this anymore", "I'm so huge" feelings for the last 3 MONTHS of my pregnancy!
Ok I will quit complaining now! I just hope the next pregnancy is more enjoyable :)
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My last maternity photo
37.5 weeks (Nov. 13) |
Now onto the actual birth story...
I had been "leaking" (urine) for the last few weeks of my pregnancy. There just simply wasn't any room left and my muscles were so strained it just happened. When it first started (one week before we were to leave for Canada!) I panicked. The day we were leaving I decided to stop in and get checked. I thought I would just waltz in, take a little test, and be on our way. Boy was I wrong! They checked us in and assigned us a room as if we were delivering right then and there! I got in a gown, left a urine sample, and stared answering all of the admission questions. We took the opportunity to scare Josh's parents with a little picture of me in the oh so beautiful hospital gown!
Back to the story... They checked me for amniotic fluid and it was negative. We were on our way to Canada for a tiny "Baby Moon" for the week.
Fast forward to the first week of December... I was dilated to 1.5 and 70% effaced as of my 39 week appointment. I asked my doctor to strip my membranes in hopes that it might move things along a little. When I sat up from the procedure, I felt a little gush of fluid. I figured it was normal - she told me to expect a little spotting. If it worked, I would go into labor within 24 hours. I didn't go into labor :( I was so so sad! I was soooo ready to be done with my pregnancy and to finally meet my little guy! When I stood up from the table I felt another little gush. I thought I should probably ask the nurse, but when we walked out she was busy. I just blew it off and we went on our way. That afternoon as we were shopping I felt another little gush, but that was it. I didn't feel anything the rest of the day. However, everyday for the next 5 days I continued to "leak" more and more each day. Finally on Monday morning (Nov. 30) I decided to call and talk to a nurse. I explained that I lived in West Yellowstone and I had already been in once to get checked. I REALLY did NOT want to drive down again just to be sent home. She said she completely understood my hesitation, it was a tough decision, but ultimately, the only way to know for sure is to be checked. I decided to call Josh and let him know what I was considering. I told him it wasn't an emergency, but we might need to go down just in case. At this point I decided to take a nap and see how I felt when I woke up. When Josh came home we talked about it some more. I told him I honestly didn't think it was the case, but I was a little concerned that I was leaking so much and so often. I finally called my mom because you know thats just what I do! She was in Bozeman with my dad doing some shopping. She was paranoid that if it was my water leaking that I could be risking infection to Ryker. She suggested I just come down. If it turned out to be false, we could all go to dinner together and head home. (90 miles one way for dinner? sure why not!) I still wasn't convinced, and Josh had been working construction all day. We both decided to shower (yes, I was lucky if I washed my hair once a week all pregnancy long!) and get ready for the evening. I picked up around the house and did the dishes..just in case. The whole time we were driving down I was still in denial. I kept saying we were wasting our time driving down. There was no way it was amniotic fluid.
I called when we got to Big Sky to give Labor and Delivery a heads up. The whole unit was empty when we arrived! That like NEVER happens in Bozeman. They put us in the big unit in the back (thankfully! you will find out why later ;) They started the test right away (it takes 10 minutes) and then the nurse started asking me a few questions. She was doubtful since I was "dry" when she did the test. She said if it was a true "water break" that we would know within a few minutes. She checked before she left the room and there was no sign of a positive whatsoever (its just like a pregnancy test). I started kicking myself again for coming down. We had wasted an evening I just knew it! Finally after the long 10 minutes the nurse comes back. She looked at the test and didn't say anything. Finally after what seemed like forever (probably 10 seconds max) I asked her what the result was. She says, "Well, its on the border, so I am going to ask the doctor. She has younger eyes than me." I turned to Josh with a big smile thinking, "Holy Crap this really could be happening." She left the door to the room open, but I couldn't see or hear anything at the nurses station. She comes back and excitedly says, "Your having a baby tonight! You get to stay!!" I was in total shock! This was really happening. Then I started to think, wait, I have so much work to get done before this. What about Bonnie? Someone needs to tell her. What about Ranger? He is home alone. Then the excitement kicked in some more and I told Josh to text all of our parents. The doctor came in to introduce herself and give me a little run down of what would happen. Even though my water was only leaking I was still at risk for infection. Had I known my water broke the Wednesday before, they would have wanted to deliver within 24 hours. It had now been 5 days! She started me on pitocin to try to get my body to realize I was in labor. At this point I was finally able to call my mom. They were running a last minute errand before coming up to the hospital for the long night ahead. She was so excited she just started squealing/screaming :) It was very exciting!! I also had Josh text Kendra. I had asked her to be there with me for the delivery. At this point nothing too exciting was happening, so she brought Tay with her. Josh was glad for some friendly company at this point.
I was officially checked in at 6pm on Monday, November 30th. I was on pitocin for 6 hours. I was having mild contractions that would get closer together so they would slow down the pitocin and work back up to the max over the course of the 6 hours. In all of this time I dilated one more centimeter! The next step was to break my water the rest of the way. (I only had a small leak at the top of my uterus). The doctor did the procedure (can I just say painful!!!!!! WOW!!) and said it might take a while for things to get moving and left. I got my first strong contraction almost immediately. Then another one, and another one, and another one. The nurse finally decided the doctor better come check me. It took her a few more minutes (30 min. total from breaking my water to coming back in) and I was to the point where I had to concentrate on breathing through the contractions. She checked me again and I was now dilated to a 7. However, she was headed into an emergency c-section with the only anesthesiologist, so I couldn't have an epidural. I was heart broken!! I do NOT handle pain well at all! She instructed the nurse to let me get in the tub to try to handle the pain. *Side note..the doctor had everyone leave to break my water so it was just Josh and I at this point. He kept asking if I wanted my mom and kendra to come back in, but I was honestly in too much pain to decide. I was at that embarrassing, first time delivering stage. End side note* The tub helped a lot at first. I would squeeze Josh's hand during the contractions and he would rub my forehead. We tried playing music, but that honestly just distracted me from breathing. I finally said my mom could come back in. This gave Josh's hand a little break :) After about 20 minutes the tub didn't help anymore. I moved to the exercise ball and that helped for like 2 contractions! I finally got "comfortable" (if you can call it that) standing and holding onto Josh or my moms shoulders and swaying. Once again, this worked for about 20 minutes. At this point I tried getting back into bed. That didn't even last through the first contractions! Very bad idea. I finally made it through the hour long emergency c-section and I could get my epidural! Hooray!! I had had one before for my knee surgery, so I wasn't scared at all. I was just ready for some relief. The port went in just fine and he started sending the medicine through. My right side started to go numb, but my left side was unaffected. He adjusted the port and we gave it a few more minutes. Still nothing on the left side. He adjusted the port one more time (they can only "set it" three times), and it still didn't work. They had me lay on my left side for the gravity affect. I was so uncomfortable I couldn't handle that for very long. After some time, the doctor came in to check me. I was dilated to a 9, so she said I could try a few practice pushes with the nurse. The nurse was training a student, so she was very informative through the whole process. She explained to me where I needed to focus on pushing. I pushed a couple of times while still feeling everything on the left side. Then the right started to ware off too! And guess what... the anesthesiologist was in ANOTHER emergency c-section! I was moaning, groaning, crying, whatever I could do to get through the contractions. Read that with as much enthusiasm as possible! This is why it was a good thing we were in the back room! The poor student was terrified! At one point the nurse told her that this wasn't normal. For a while it helped to push through the contractions, but after some time, I could feel a change. I could tell Ryker wasn't moving. Remember at this point my epidural has completely worn off. I was moving my legs up into the stirrups and back down again by myself! At one point the nurse says, "You shouldn't be able to do that!" I was trying so hard to focus on "the spot", but it became so painful. I knew he was stuck. I could feel that he wasn't moving at all, and I just had a feeling. I started crying hysterically and asking for a c-section. Josh, my mom, and both nurses kept telling me I was strong, I could do this, just keep pushing, the doctor will be here soon, etc. etc. etc. At one point my mom got down in my face (my glasses weren't on, and my face was FULL of tears) and said, "Janae', God created your body to do this." I simply responded, "He also created c-sections." She couldn't help but laugh and agree with me! I could go on and on about my begging for a c-section and wailing that I couldn't do this. Finally after what seemed ages (it had actually been 2 hours), I said to my mom, "What more do I have to say to convince you I need the c-section?". My mom immediately turned to the nurse and asked, "Is there anyone that can come in and help her? I can tell you she has her mind made up." The nurse quietly responded that she was already prepping me for a c-section (she had already sent the orders back to the OR). The nurse turned down the pitocin to try to help me through till the anesthesiologist and doctor could come back. When he finally came in, he gave me another epidural and then left again. Thankfully it took the edge off a little bit. The doctor came in a few minutes after when I was at my most relaxed state since midnight! She said, "I hear you want a c-secition?" "Yes, I do!" "Are you sure you don't want to try a few more pushes now that I am here?" "No. He is not moving. My epidural wore off, and I could feel everything. I know he isn't coming. I want the c-section." She agreed and said she would prep.
For a short recap since I left out all of the times...
6pm - I officially check-in and start pitocin.
12am midnight - break my water
~ 1 am - get my epidural
~ 2:30 am - start pushing
~ 6 am - put my foot down and insist on the epidural
7 am - they start prepping me for surgery
10 am - they take me back for surgery
Unfortunately only Josh could come back with me. I felt so bad that my mom couldn't be in there! I even apologized to her after they told me no :( I was taken back first. There was now a new anesthesiologist on shift (I LOVED him! He was soo great!). He gave me my third epidural (you can only have three). He was talking with me and explaining everything that was going on. All of the nurses were running around getting set up for the doctors. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Josh got to come in. We had warned the doctor and anesthesiologist that he had nearly passed out before. The anesthesiologist had a chair ready for him! Right when Josh walks in he says, "Why don't you have a seat right here and don't move. Go ahead and just sit there until this is all done." Finally Dr. Simons and Dr. Kronfus came in. The anesthesiologist asks if I'm ready. After I reply yes, he says, "Oh good. They are done cutting already." haha :) The process of cutting and pulling him out was just a lot of pressure. My body was seriously being tugged around like crazy! I felt like I might roll right off the table. At one point I hear Dr. Simons yell out, "His shoulder is stuck. That was a good decision you made (to have a c-section). You would have never got him out on your own." I knew it! I kept saying he isn't moving, and I was right! When they pull him out, Dr. Kronfus says, "Oh we got a little line backer on our hands! Look at those wide shoulders." (He is a Hermanson after all!!) They immediately rushed him over to the pediatrician and nursery nurses. I start hearing them call out numbers, "ONE! .... TWO!.... THREE!.... Ryker wasn't breathing. He was blue. Josh could see him, but all I could see was the nurses working frantically. They were suctioning his mouth and slapping his feet. Yes, slapping. This triggers the breathing reflex. Finally after three MINUTES he took a breath and immediately pinked up. Then he started crying. Like everyone says, it is the most wonderful sound to hear! After getting him swaddled, they brought him over to Josh and I. The nurse held him close enough to let me kiss his face (over and over and over!) and just look at him. She held him there for what seemed like a really long time. Then I started to feel some pain. I was already crying tears of joy, but they started to turn into tears of pain. The nurse said to Josh, "I'm going to take him to the nursery. You stay here and take care of mom, and I will take care of baby." As soon as they left, I started crying harder and saying it hurts really bad. ... You guessed it, the epidural wore off AGAIN!!!!! The doctors were pushing my placenta out, and I seriously thought I might die. I was screaming as loud as I could through my cries. (Not purposely, just naturally :) The anesthesiologist finally says he could give me something. He put something in my IV, something else in my epidural port, and gave me a shot in the leg. I felt almost instant relief...and exhaustion. I knew my baby was alive and my pain was finally gone for the first time since midnight. I wanted to sleep SO bad. I was soooo tired and thought to myself, "If I just sleep for a minute, I will be more awake when I get to see Ryker." Well... I was soon woken up by the anesthesiologist and reminded to keep breathing! Yes, I had quit breathing. I heard the panic in Josh's voice when he realized what happened. He was told to keep me awake and remind me to breath. That started the next 30 minutes or so of me falling asleep, waking up to Josh's panic, gasp for air, then falling asleep again. Over and over and over. I was so tired, yet I knew I needed to remember to breath. Before too long, I started to wake back up. There was some more tugging and pulling as they stitched me up. Then it was off to recovery! They said to expect to be there an hour, but since my epidural had already worn off, I only had to be there for 20 minutes. They wheeled me back to my room, but we couldn't see Ryker yet. He had low blood sugar, so they were giving him formula. He had to meet a certain number before he could leave the nursery. They gave him 10 ml and then checked. 10 more ml and checked again. Finally after giving him 30 ml of formula the nurse decided to bring him to me. She said skin-to-skin might help bring his numbers up faster. They checked him again right in our room, and he passed! He was allowed to stay in the room with us!! Unfortunately he was full now, so I didn't get to breastfeed right away. It was still so nice to have him on my chest :)
Ryker Jay van Leeuwen
December 1, 2015
11:05 am
8 lbs 9 oz
20.5 inches
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Ryker's very first picture!
Through the nursery window. |
The first few nights in the hospital were really tough! My milk didn't come in until day 4, so we had to continue supplementing with formula. We also had a lot of visitors, so I probably wasn't as relaxed as I could have been. However, I was very pleasantly surprised with the surge of hormones those first few days. We were up till 2:30 most nights before finally giving up and asking the nurses for help. We hardly slept, Ryker was constantly hungry, and we were in a hospital room after all! Through all of this I had this sense of peace. I never panicked or wanted to give up. I just felt peace with my new stage of motherhood. I had faith that we would "figure it out". Josh was also extremely sleep deprived, but he didn't have that surge of feel good hormones that I did :( At least one of us was in good spirits right?? We ended up spending 5 nights in the hospital. I opted to stay an extra night for more healing and more time with the lactation consultants. Once my milk came in, it got a lot easier. I will leave the first night at home for another post ;)
I am so thankful that the human body is so amazing. I am so happy that I was able to bring my sweet baby Ryker into this world. I am so glad that I have already forgotten the worst of it! Despite my claims during my pregnancy...I just might go through it again!
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| Our first family picture <3 |
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| Going home outfit! Just a little big ;) |
In November we went to North Dakota to celebrate Thanksgiving with my brother, his wife, and my parents. We have been anxious to visit them ever since they moved while I was pregnant with Ryker. Our kids are not thrilled with car rides, so it was more difficult than it sounds. We broke up the 12 hour trip by stopping at a motel in Miles City. (It would normally be a 10 hour drive, but Ryker had only been potty trained for two weeks. We literally stopped every thirty minutes for him to pee). We picked up a pizza and did the whole pool thing. Radley hated the pool, but Ryker loved it! Josh and I quite enjoyed the hot tub after a long day of driving. Unfortunately we weren't able to bring Ranger inside, so Josh had a long night of keeping the car warm.
