I am Catholic

Life is just a bunch of categories.

Male - Female

Young - Old

Skinny - Fat

Sick - Healthy

Rich - Poor

Single - Married

Society strives to put us all in these categories. We, as human beings, are eager to "belong". We hope to fall somewhere in between. Some of us hope to fall out of the categories, others do everything in their power to fall into a new category. What does this all really mean? Why does it all matter? What difference does our categorical location make? Is it right or wrong? Is it good or bad? Where do we find these answers?

For me, the answers are in my faith. I have faith that I am in the right category. It doesn't matter what category. It doesn't matter if I am in or out of any category. What matters is that I have faith that it is right.

I have faith that I was put on this earth for a reason.

I have faith that I do the best I can in any given situation.

I have faith that my family loves me.

I have faith that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go around.

I have faith that there is more to this world than I will ever understand.

I have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow.

I have faith that I will understand some day.

I have faith that I do not have all of the answers.

Most importantly, I have faith that there is a higher power.

We all live our lives seeking answers. Some we find, some we disagree with, some we will never know the answers to.

For me faith is believing that I am not in control. Faith is believing that everyone has a purpose. Faith is believing that no matter what category I am in, it is the "right one" for me.

My religious journey has been like a roller coaster. I have had times of very strong belief, and I have had times of doubt. As I am writing this post, I am not sure where I fall between the lines. But I have faith that I am right where I need to be. With faith all things are possible. I don't mean miracles will happen tomorrow if I just have faith. I mean all of the things God has planned for me, will happen if I just have faith. I don't know what they are. I may never know what his plans are, but no matter what, I have faith that he is using me.

I was born into a Catholic family. My mother was raised Catholic. She even attended Catholic school as a young girl. My father was Lutheran, but he was raised with a much looser religious stance. For him, faith means family. When they married, he agreed to raise his children in the Catholic faith. I was baptized as a baby as is custom in the Catholic Church. We attended Sunday service on occasion and most holidays.

The church in West Yellowstone did not offer catechism classes while I was growing up, but my mom still felt it was important that we learn about God. Therefore, my brother and I attended Bible School at the Presbyterian Church. Although it wasn't the traditional catechism classes, they served their purpose of bringing faith into our lives. I never really thought too much about Bible School. It was just an after school activity all of my friends attended. We made a lot of crafts and always had a snack. Plus I got to be around my friends for another hour after school. In the summer there was Vacation Bible Study. Then we got to attend "Bible School" all day for an entire week. That was always fun!

The next step in my journey towards God was Bible Study. When I was in middle school, I was too old to attend Bible School. After a little while one of my teachers sparked an interest in starting a Bible Study for teen girls. She asked around the middle school and high school for curiosity. There was a small group of us willing to attend, so it began. She was a member of the Presbyterian Church, but they were now advertising their services as non-denominational. We met once a week. We would have a bible reading, discuss the passage, relate it to our lives as young women, and then go home with an assignment for next week. This went on for some time, and eventually another gal started helping out. These two women became very important people in my life. I was finally old enough to understand faith. I finally had a desire to learn more. I wanted to feel something. I was lost in the world of junior high, and desperate for another way to categorize myself. I guess you could say this group helped define who I was becoming. I still claimed my faith as Catholic. I used a Catholic bible, and it gave another perspective to our discussions. I tried to stay true to my faith (even though I had no idea what that was) while attending this non-denominational group. I just knew I needed to learn about faith and read the bible. Anyways, as time went on, we would have different activities. The ladies were very good about tailoring it to young women. We often read about women in the bible. We would have "beauty" activities. We talked about boys and relationships. For about three years our little group grew closer and closer. One of the leaders lived out of town like I did. She often gave me a ride home before I could drive. I will never forget those car rides. In my eyes we had become best friends. I felt I could tell her anything, about faith or just life in general. I am not sure how it happened, but that is where I grew up. That is where I debated right from wrong, good from bad. That is where I felt I could share anything and not receive any judgement. I used her as a sound board for many different things in my life. As I have said in previous posts, I had a hard time in junior high and high school. She was the person that made life seem bearable. And always, she would send me away pondering God's plan. She truly believed there was a reason for everything. She always challenged my mistakes. Encouraged me to find the message. That is why I have faith. Spending that time in the car with her and I to talk freely, allowed me to trust God's plan. As for the other leader, she too played an important role in my faith. I had only just met her, but I saw the faith in her eyes. I trusted every word she prayed. I longed to have Jesus in my heart the way she does. She gave me inspiration to follow my faith, wherever that may lead me.

As we grew older, the time came when our leaders had to say goodbye. They were considered the Young Women's counselors, and we were now high school girls. They could no longer lead us on our journey of faith. There was a high school program. It was coed, and led by a male. I attended a few times, but it wasn't the same. I had such a bond with my Young Women's leaders that I had put blinders on. I wasn't willing to accept any other bible study. Also, by this time, I was so wrapped up in high school that I really didn't have much time to play around with. I decided there were better things to do than attend Bible Study.

I went through a period of doubt. I never doubted that there is a God or that Heaven is for Real, but I doubted the need to learn more. I doubted the advantages of attending church services. I doubted the reason to read the bible. After all, I was a Catholic girl with absolutely no Catholic knowledge. The Catholic church started offering catechism classes, but I was now in high school. (You typically start when you are about 6 years old.) I considered attending, but I never made it a priority.

When I went to college in Utah, I made sure to find the nearest Catholic Church right away. I wanted to start attending services and look into taking classes. It wasn't until I found out one of Josh's roommates was Catholic that I felt I could make the first step. I told him I had a desire to attend church, and he offered to drive us the next Sunday. It was about a ten minute drive from campus. I wasn't sure what to do. Many people joke that the Catholic Church is a stand up, sit down, fight fight fight kind of thing. I just followed the crowd and participated as best I could. We made it a weekly thing. We traded off who would drive. I was so eager to dive back into my faith. I was so glad to finally be attending the church I had always categorized myself under. It was also very helpful that Josh was willing to attend with me despite his own position of faith. We continued to attend church off and on throughout the summer and the next school year, but it wasn't until my third year at USU that I decided to sign up for classes. I had strayed from my faith during the previous summer when I was living in West. Since I was an adult, I would have my First Communion and my Confirmation at the same time. I attended "class" for about 4 months. We had a short book describing different areas of the faith. It answered a lot of questions. We read for homework and then discussed it in class. I was able to get a lot of my questions and concerns answered. This was a time of faith building. We were instructed to pray about our desire to be Confirmed in the church. In order to be confirmed, we had to have a sponsor: a practicing Catholic, someone we looked up to in our faith. We also attended confession. This was my first confession. On the day of our Confirmation, our family and friends were invited to attend the ceremony. It was very similar to any other church service, but our full name and our Confirmation names were read during the service. We then were escorted to the front by our sponsor for the Bishop to extend his hands, pray that we may receive the Holy Spirit, and anoint us with holy chrism. The service continued, and I received my First Communion. Since I was a confirmed adult, there wasn't any other special service. I walked up with every other person in the church, but for me it was very sacred. By taking part in communion, I am expressing my union with all Catholics, and I am accepting the Holy Eucharist as God's body (bread) and blood (wine). Although I had primarily attended a Protestant Church up until college, I had never accepted communion. I am so grateful for the opportunity to finally be progressing in the church. I had longed to find my faith for most of my life. It was a very important time for me. I was moving a little bit closer to that boundary. 

When Josh and I started talking about marriage, I went back and forth on what kind of ceremony we might have. I always claimed I was Catholic, but I hadn't really grown up in a Catholic faith. Josh is not baptized, so it seemed silly to have a Catholic ceremony. In the end, my desire to live in the Catholic faith won over. It grew more and more important to me as I grew older. The more we attended the Catholic church, the more I wanted to do what was right. Once again I was using societies categories to guide my life. I didn't know everything about being Catholic, but I knew it was right for me. It was important that our marriage be done correctly (at least correct for us) in the eyes of God. I wanted to take communion on the day of marriage so that we could begin our union with my sins forgiven. I am so glad Josh felt it was important that I follow my faith. That was the next step in my Catholic journey. 

Most recently, my Catholic spark was from the The Catholic Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. It is Atlanta's most historic church. We attended service there this past Sunday. It was built in 1873, and was later rebuilt in 1984 after a fire. It is a very traditional looking church. However, what set it apart, was the congregation. There were people from all different races scattered throughout the pews. There were heterosexuals and homosexuals sitting together. There were people of all ages and income levels in attendance. This was nothing out of the ordinary. I had no reason to notice until the service began. The Catholic Church is known for its traditionalism. There is a lot of controversy over what each religion will and will not accept as right and just. This is one of the few areas that I openly disagree with the teachings of the church. I believe it takes all kinds of people to make the world go around. It is not my place to cast judgement on other races, income levels, or sexual orientations. This was the first Catholic Church I have been to that openly accepted EVERYONE. I wish to be blunt without casting judgement, but it was a very pleasant shock to see gay speakers in a Catholic Church. The opening prayer stated their acceptance of all of God's people. It was so refreshing to see such a traditional, yet progressive representation of my beliefs. I don't claim to know much about the Catholic faith and it's teachings. I simply strive to represent what I personally believe. 

I am not sure what God's plan is for me. I may never know how he is using me in this life. What I do know, is that I have a long way to go. My faith has a lot of growing left. I am not in a position to say what is right or wrong, good or bad. I have faith that whatever road you take, it will be the right one for you. I have many friends of different faiths, and I will never say that I am right and you are wrong. What I will say is follow what you believe. Walk in your journey with God, down whatever road he has placed you on. Mine just happens to be Catholic :)

If you would like to read about Catholic beliefs and practices, feel free to read I am Catholic: part 2!